is Better Than Everyone's Mother
"...That deer just drank that other's deer's pee."
we shall name him: Pee-kun, for great justice."
So, you wanna see Japan the way it was long
ago. In the days of the Samurai (who were never Scientologists)
and Geisha (who aren't prostitutes). Great - then GO TO NARA! Nara is located in
Kansai, Japan, and was one of the few places America/The Allies didn't
burn or explode the crap out of during World War Two. What does that
mean? It means that things from around 800+ years ago are still
standing - ready for your gaijin eyes to make love to. But what to do
in Nara? Here is a handy 50-photograph guide to Nara, by Gin myself.
Waste all your printer ink and print out this page, then carry it with
you to JR Nara Station (奈良駅). You can also use Kintetsu Nara Station
(近鉄奈良駅) but for all intents and purposes this guide begins on the Main
Street (for now). From JR Nara Station just cross the street and start
your NARA ADVENTURE!
Oh oh oh! Ohsho
you guys! This was Gin's first Ohsho ever! Nom nom nom nom. You can't
miss it, about halfway down the Main Street.
NOM NOM NOM Oh god, oh god YESSSSSS
The unmemorable Drink Drank - you'll be done so fast you won't even
remember going in.
Main street is coming to an end! Just look at that sky. Talk about bloo.
To your right: A beautiful pond full of turtles and stuff. To your
left: A huuuuuuuuge staircase. WHICH WAY TO GO?
See, a beautiful pond, just like I said! I can recommend walking around
it, but to continue on your adventure, you need to return to this spot.
HOLY GOD STAIRS. TO be climbing them please.
KOFUKUJI! This shrine is seriously dope. Buddhist Temple next door,
too. That indicates PRE-MEIJI RESTORATION. Look, you learned something
today at Gai-Gin.com!
Pyon: GET MY FACE OFF YO WEBSITE WOMAN >:O Sheesh!
No screws. None. NO NAILS. NO. Just wood. Wow. So why can't they invent
a dryer, or fast, cheap internet?
Move along now, onto the paths leading into deerdom. No really - if the
number of deer continues to increase, you are doing it right.
Shops like this make me quiver with orgasmic joy.
Along the way there's an underground passage where you can find all of
ancient Nara (or as it was known, Heijō-kyō). Here is Pyon apparently
peeing on it.
Yessss yesss keep going! This shrine to the left is - I am pretty sure
- dedicated to Hiroshima.... m( __ __ )m
Number of deer increasing? Good, good, on your way, then...
Some Nara delicacies, Deer Poo and Giant Buddha's Snot.
Um...wow. Well, I guess it's not racist if they made it themselves and
choose to sell it in their ancient capital, right? Wow, though. AWKWARD.
OH LULZING. These hats. They say, left ro right, "SURE WIN Japan"
"JAPAN NO. 1" "Dragon. Japan." "WIN. Japan." "SAMURAI. Japan."
Yep, yep, yep. REALLY TOURISTY HATS I BET AMERICANS BUY EACH DAY. Sure
Blue Banner: ALCHOHOL. Deers love them some o dat.
This is a place I like to gaze upon. It's a bit of a river down a small
hill. Deer go there to cool off and wash human grease from their
disgusting flea-ridden fur.
BAMBI'S MOM LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come to me, mama deer. I WON'T HURT YOU
Pyon's Seeing Eye Deer
Wash your hands after doing this, please. Oh god, please. No, they're
cute. But please. Wash.
That gateway means you heading in the right direction!
This small Japanese child DO NO WANT DEERS
Deers DO WANT DEER COOKIES NOM NOM
I can see it in the distance.... TODAIJI. Crap it's huge.
So beautiful, brings a tear to me eye ;-;
Did I mention THIS PLACE IS HUGE. Largest wooden structure in the
world, too. See those ants? THEY ARE PEOPLE.
HUGE I SAY
This stuff is so old Jesus was practically born here. I mean. Wow. Wow.
HELLOOOOOO DAIBUTSU!! That means BIG BUDDHA. Biggest bronze Buddha in
One of his homies.
Older than your mom.
There's plenty of homosexuals in Nara.
I HAVE FOUND IT. CATBUS'S HIDING PLACE.
Outside again, there's more deers to touch you. Er, for you to touch.
That deer doesn't look very confident about this choice.
My deer cookies brings all the deers to the yard and they're like,
gimme a cookie you tard.
MY plastic bag. MINE. Don't eat it. No really - these deer die all the
time from eating plastic bags. Why do a thing?
At the end of the day, they had bitten my butt four times, but it was
worth it... because Nara is better than your mom!